nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
