So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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