Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
