Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
