wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
