Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
