i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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