Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
