the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
