I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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