Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
