I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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