fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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