I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize