I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize