Someone shit on the floor
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
