she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
