I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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