i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
