can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
