pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
