then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
