We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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