I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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