Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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