You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
