I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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