We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
