Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
