You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
