I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
