let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
