exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
