you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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