Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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