im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
