My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
