He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
