you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
