I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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