Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
