worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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