the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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