Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize