haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
