do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
They took my balls.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
