I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
