Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
