there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
