i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
