I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
