She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
