I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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