she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
