make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
