I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
