Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
