i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
