No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
