First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
