i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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