Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm experimenting with sincerity
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
