maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
