honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
