i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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