I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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