my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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