Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
cat food counts as protein by the way
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
