alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
