she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
