plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
