Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize