operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
