u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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