he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize