Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
