Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
