How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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