We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i drank out of a bidet.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
