yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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