Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
