LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
