On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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