He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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