Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
