Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
