He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
