Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize