pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
