Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
